The other day, my eight-year-old son asked if he could strum the acoustic guitar that has been hanging untouched in our book nook, since he was born. Delighted over his interest in the instrument as itself, and not just as wall décor, I dusted it off and handed it to him. It came as no surprise that the strings were grossly out of tune.
Because I can play an iPod better than any musical instrument, does not mean I should shy away from the accidental music of this unknown territory. I remembered enough to show him something I had learned along the way about fine-tuning the strings. Once in tune, each string will resonate when the same note is played on an adjacent string. I played the ‘A’ note on the fifth fret of the ‘E’ string, and the adjacent ‘A’ string, knowing itself, vibrated in empathy.
In wonder, my son observed the manifestation of this natural law over and over. I watched the strings intently as he plucked and strummed, deliberately creating these vibrations. Again and again, I felt instructed in relationship; in the ways we attract and create both conflict and harmony in our lives.
We may accept cliches like “Opposites attract!” but even though the blue-eyed Caucasian lover may delight in the chocolate skin of her beloved, or the bohemian artist may find comfort and security in the conservative banker, we can come to see that these, superficial characteristics are seldom the stuff of enduring attraction.
The variety of contrasts with which our lives may be richly spiced, are soon pointers to the conflicts that manifest. The couple, once deeply in love, is no longer a romantic balance of ying and yang. The harsh notes of competition, blame, irritation, get struck and the tune of bliss changes to one of melancholy, even tragedy. Soon both parties are either hurling or repressing and masking insults about the very characteristics that once enriched their togetherness. In the pain of impending separation, there are claims of irreconcilable differences. Both are aching, they say, for more compatibility.
So, do opposites really attract?
The living metaphor of those resonant guitar strings point me to a more homeopathic concept of “similar suffering”, and “like cures like”.
We keenly embrace the idea of likeness between the self and the beloved when we are all aglow with honeymoon compliments. Yet, we ignore the reality when the attraction, once for better, works also for the worse aspects within us too. Dirt attracts dirt. Only maturity would lead us to consider that our negative traits are usually also well matched and somehow complementary; providing the perfect circumstances for soul growth and real inner transformation. This truth, precedes true love.
Knowing this need not be off-putting. It can be encouraging.
Truthful recognition invites us to sincerely uncover mistaken ideas, outmoded habits and false judgments. The relationship, in its entirety, provides opportunities to seek wholeness within our selves, and ultimately, union with the beloved; provided both partners are willing and capable of the pre-requisite maturity.
The challenge is, how can we come to know, what we do not know in the moment?
The degree to which we feel even the slightest loss of interest, or anything that resembles pain or dis-ease, is the measure of "unconsciousness", aspects of self that are denied or cut off. Feelings of discomfort, resistance and judgment come to the surface and we can choose to accept their teachings. At a soul level these are invitations to pay attention to aspects of self and life we habitually prefer to ignore. These so- called negative situations and people are actually prodding us into awareness.
When apparent differences stir things awry, there may be more feeling of repulsion than overt attraction. By paying attention to the subtler inner response and discomfort around the conflict, it becomes possible to detect a kind of inner dissonance and in time, what grows is an awareness along with it, of a more true being that is in resonance with something greater than the personalities at play. Really tuning in, and naming with specific clarity the vibration of feeling in these moments, can assist in uncovering the truth of our connection with our selves and others.
We discern differences because of our relative status in juxtaposition with, something or someone that is “more” or “less” than we are. Perceiving through duality, there is ample evidence that opposites co-exist; are even inter-dependent. Night gives way to day. The dryness of a desert season never obliterates, only intensifies our longing for the balancing relief of watery wet. Through Nature’s neutrality we can understand the blessing and beauty of differences but less so through the clouded lens of unconscious emotions.
Hearts left hanging, no strings attached, tugging at my heartstrings, stringing me along - When we don’t tune in to the instrument of the heart for a season, or a lifetime, and are left heavy-hearted or with a heart attack; our lives become grossly discordant.
Increasing unification is a natural, spontaneous consequence of the self-understanding that integrates emotional compartments we constructed earlier on in life as a coping mechanism. The attraction equation that builds healthy, working relationships has much to do with fine-tuning the self. The more we resonate purely with self-respect and authentic love, the more likely our music will draw to us another, who is willing to sustain and amplify our own natural efforts; or stimulate from within that old, dusty mate, more harmonic and unifying chords.
Just as one guitar string vibrates as evidence that it is 'in tune with' another, this demonstrates the inner reality of the experiences and relationships in our daily lives. The way we resonate with something or someone reflected outside us, points the way through layers of mask selves, so that true inner Being may be explored.
In every life situation, without exception, there is a lesson to be earned. The good news is, once we accept responsibility for it, we have the choice to transform over time, so as to vibrate the very qualities that will, in actuality, (not illusory fantasy), nurture a lifetime of healthy self-love and attraction.
Living Metaphors - Do Opposites Really Attract?
© 2011 Joanne Gail Johnson
SHE CARIBBEAN Summer2011
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